Surviving the Holidays

After losing a loved one, holidays can be difficult, especially the first ones. You are facing a new reality without your loved one in your life. Grief takes a toll on your body. Here are some tools that can assist you with with your grief and possibly help you make new traditions.

1. Practice Self Care
   1. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself.  Emotional wounds can be as debilitating as physical wounds - they just aren’t visible
   2. Feel your feelings
      1. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling - sadness, anger, even happiness at times 
      2. Emotions can be amplified during the holidays.  You might feel conflicting feelings like joy and sorrow, happiness and sadness, anger and peace at the same time.  It is ok.  Feel your feelings.
   3. Treat yourself gently
      1. Take a walk
      2. Meditate
      3. Practice yoga
      4. Make an appointment for a healing treatment like Reiki or a massage
      5. Use essential oils by diffusing them, make a room spray or use them topically on your body
      6. Try Tai Chi to move the energy
      7. Sleep in or take a nap
      8. Take a hot bath or shower
   4. Ask for help.
      1. Support groups I found are GriefShare, Compassionate Friends and Helping Parents Heal as well as support groups on Facebook
      2. Don’t be afraid to ask for support.  This can be in the form of a spouse, a best friend, a support group or a therapist.  
2. Remove all Expectations
   1. Forget about what others want or expect - take care of you
   2. Participate in the holiday as much or as little as you want to 
   3. Be realistic - handle what you can and adjust accordingly. Don’t be pushed into things you are not ready for.
   4. Be loving with yourself
3. Show up (or not)
   1. There is no normal anymore.  This is a new reality.  You are learning to live life a new way without your loved one around
   2. Give yourself permission to do what you need to do 
   3. Allow yourself to show up or not
   4. 5 minute rule - Decide 5 minutes before an event if you can make it or not.  Communicate ahead of time with your host that you will make it or not depending on how you are feeling.  This will take the pressure off you.
   5. Laugh, cry, wallow - do what you need to and don’t worry what others think.  They are not going through what you are.  They are not in survivor mode - you are.
4. Make New Tradidtions
   1. Honor the memory of your loved on in ways that are meaningful to you
   2. Do things to keep your loved one’s memory alive a this time.  Set a place at the table for them or leave a chair empty, talk about your loved one, share memories, light a candle in their memory, donate to organizations like Angel Tree in your loved ones name, volunteer your time to help those who are less fortunate
   3. Spend time with those who will talk about your loved one.  Talking about your loved one keeps their memory alive

Everyone grieves differently and no one feels exactly as you do or the same emotions you are feeling

If doing something feels like too much, don’t do it and don’t let anyone pressure you or guilt you into doing it. Follow your heart and do what you need to do for you. And finally, you will survive - you are surviving every day, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. It does get easier.

Acknowledgement:

Angela Miller, Still Standing Magazine

Photo by S&B Vonlanthen on Unsplash